Hannah Louise Swift

12.30pm – I woke up, licked my owner, bit her, chased my toys then begged for food.

1.00pm – Food eaten. Begged for more food. Extra food eaten.

2.00pm – The owner put the lead on me so I could go outside, there were 2 other cats out there and I wanted to show them who was boss.

2.15pm – I didnt like outside, so had to hide under the sofa.

2.30pm – I licked my bum

3.00pm – sleeeeeep

Later that day, more food, sleep, cuddles, food, sleep…

That’s about it for the day!

Monkey

Saturdays are all about lazing, so that is mainly what I have done today! Me and Monkey had a nice lie in then I got up ready to quickly shower before heading to the hairdressers. I booked the appointment the other night, and was told it would be free as I had only just had it cut! Bonus. I decided to take my card anyway, but at some point between leaving the house, getting in the car and arriving at the hair dressers it disappeared… Not a clue where it is but I have a terrible feeling it is time to clean my car out!

I got home ready for some lunch and whacked a tesco macaroni cheese (the light version) in the microwave! I got it out only to discover a hair in it, no not one of mine. BLEURGH! So I quickly threw that in the bin and had a bag of crisps instead! oops!

I then checked my bank to discover Vodafone had pinched almost £90 for my phone bill! Behave, no way did I spend that much! I rang them, primed with my shouty voice only to be told all their systems were down and they could not help. I went straight to their site and after some re-newing of forgotten passwords managed to access my account where I discovered the cheeky sods have been charging me for a data package I certainly did not ask for. I’m not sure whether this is breaking any t’s and c’s but they are in big trouble tomorrow when I call back!

I’m currently watching one of my fave films – Phantom of the Opera – whilst being attacked by Monkey!

1. I am a trained football referee and coach. Well, technically I need to re-train as I haven’t been signed onto a league for a while due to doing my knee in at Uni. My Dad is a referee’s assessor now and was a ref for 30 odd years before moving to assessing!

2. I had classical singing lessons and was quite theatrical. I even appeared as Cosette in Les Miserables in a Derbyshire youth production! I actually can’t sing a note, but love it. I was even in a rock gospel choir at uni!

3. I love Scuba Diving! After diving for the first time in Barbados, I fell in love and decided to get a PADI qualification, so I am a trained PADI Open Water Scuba Diver. I’m hoping to continue learning when I get some cash together!

4. I have a brother, Darren, he lives in my home town Darley Dale with his fiance Steph, in their awesome house.

5. I’m very shy! People seem to think I’m some raving loon who parties all the time, I’m not, if I’m not at work or the gym or asleep, I can usually be found tucked up in my slanket on my sofa. I also have a bad habit of blushing if I like someone, and will be found running away!

6. I have no specific tastes in film, music, books, art etc etc. If I can dance to it, and attempt to sing along, or it makes me smile, it will do for me!

7. I once did science based comedy stand-up. Don’t ask!

8. I had a science radio show at uni, with my buddy Dean. We mainly spent our Sunday mornings begging for people to bring us food, they never did

9. I have a poem in a book! When I was at school they made a book full of kids poems, mine got chosen! Get in! I think it goes something like this – Slavery – Slavery, more black than white, no candle at night, no words can you say, you don’t get much pay something something something… Must get mum to dig that out!

10. I love rocks and fossils! I haven’t used my degree since I got it (apart from the two weeks as an asbestos analyst) but am still as passionate as ever about rocks and fossils, and my collection and books are my prized possessions. I even have a tattoo of a fossil ammonite on the back of my neck/top of back!!!

Day 17, and Friday night Jam! The class wasn’t that busy tonight which was perfect for me as it meant I didn’t look stupid infront of too many people! Di was on her usual top form, entertaining yet pushing you to work a little harder!
I’m finally beginning to pick up the routines although spent most of the class with cramp in my ankles, which was fun, I was also highly distracted by the vast quantity of hot guys walking past!

After class me and Linz (sorry if that is spelt wrong!!!) went down stairs into the bar to watch the end of the Flamenco taster the gym had put on! It was pretty awesome actually and the 3 dancers were strutting their funky stuff! They even had some sangria type stuff and tapas! Very cool! I only stayed for a quick beer, said good night to Di and toddled off home, just in time for American Idol!!!

Another good night at the gym!

1. Parking – This may sound stupid, being a gym and all, but the car park is always rammed! I can never find a carparking space and always end up driving round and round. Highly annoying, especially when raining!

2. Bag – I got diddled on my free bag with goodies inside. The stupid woman who sold me the membership did me over. She said she would do me half price (still £40) joining fee (how much admin does £40 get you?) and still get the bag… I didn’t!!! Not impressed!

3. Classes fully booked – Although I do like the online booking system, it is really annoying when you try and book your fave class only to find it is fully booked. That is just plain annoying! Even if you do get a place the classes are often rammed.

4. Not feeling the difference – I’ve been to the gym 16 times now, averaging 2 hours a time of intense exercise… So 32 hours of intense working out and my jeans are still tight, and I’ve managed to put on over half a stone! What exactly am I paying for again???

5. Expensive – Yes, I got the first month free, but it is £57.00 a month, and that is after the discount I got for working next door! Cor Blimey Guv! I need to invest in a gym, these buggers earn a shed load!

6. Crap lockers – The lockers are always broken or the handy safety pin on the key is missing. It means trapsing the changing rooms for a free locker that is working properly!!! GRRR!

7. Naked Women – There are naked women all over the changing rooms as there is nowhere discreet to get changed. It’s just weird! They have towels, so why don’t they use them to cover up?

8. Youth Club – It is full of 16 year olds strutting their stuff. I was 16 once so I know their hormones are raging (note to self: you are only 23, not Victor Meldrew) They sit in the jacuzzi with their flat abs staring at you working out. I just hope when their motabolism kicks in they will get fat! It’s not funny to watch fat birds try and swim, it will happen to you too!

9. Contact terms – Unless I die sometime soon, I’m stuck in this contract for 12 months! Once you sign on the line you are in for life! If I move and there is a gym 20 miles away I will still be forced to pay as the gym is considered ‘near enough’. Actually, if I die, I think they would still try and take the money!

10. I haven’t been asked out yet! – Possibly the worst thing! I’m a single girl and I haven’t had one flirt or date request yet… Rubbish!